The Colbert Report/Episode/511
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro Another Member Of The Family * Good to have Stephen with us * Took down the big-wigs ** he was robbed of "Best Grandma" prize *** Grandma Rosenstein won instead * UC Santa Cruz nerds named an elephant seal after him! ** Stelephant Colbert * a hideous monster ate Dr. Colbert's seal! ** worse than having the elephant man named after you ** certain to have a great personality * Graduate students watch him mate * Stephen Col-George Clooney, the George Clooney ** Stephen would watch that mate * put him on a treadmill * lift weights * nose job * Mark Wahlberg started out as a Narwhal ** his real name was Mark Narwhalberg SEGMENT2 * Stimulus bill is larded up with more pork than Stephen's elephant seal * Susan Collins of Maine nailed what it really is ** like a Christmas tree ** more like a Gay Pride Ficus * Missouri Claire McCaskill ** funded by Mixed Metaphor Funding Act * Specifics ** being sold by Democrats * it's Fire Safety Week! ** see you in the stairwell--wear something lose; that's fire code * Dems taking page from the GOP handbook ** found under a loose floorboard next to a beating human heart * Dems scared Dr. Colbert ** Stephen will meet Jesus at the Arby's *** where they'll both be working * sex-ed for house cats * Cabinet level Secretary * fund National Endowment for the Arts ** best argument from The West Wing * federal money they could have ** 3-D glasses you could almost touch the sanctimony * James Surowiecki * New Yorker columnist * why are libs larding up the bill * spend the money now * many programs in there that are not stimulus * never let a good crisis go to waste ** Rahm Emanuel, November 2008 * his book: "The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations" ** hand the stimulus to an angry mob of unemployed * some changes between Senate and House bill ** raise the debt by $1 trillion * sell Yellowstone to the Canadians Alpha Dog * any old dog can fetch a bone, only one can tear out your femur: Alpha Dog of the Week * Boy Scouts of America * lessons tie knots * Three leaves and shiny, keep away from the hiney * will learn about the good conservation of soil waters, etc. * for past 20 years Scouting Council has made money off destroying wilderness areas * hugging trees so tight they * hypocrisy badge * apocalypse badge * make fires without sticks * making the Scout sign and telling conservationists to read between the lines Interview * Jonah Lehrer * book: "How We Decide" * wrote a book ab out neuroscience of decision-making, which is just a fancy way of saying rock, paper scissors * emotional brain: generates gut (truth) * rational brain: pre-frontal (fact) * the emotional side doesn't have to listen to you * humans love being certain ** filter the world to confirm ** not being certain is not comforting * preconceived notions * conservatives watch FOX * liberals watch MSNBC * shut-ins watch CNN * gut takes in more than we are aware of * gut is prescient * can we tailor our thoughts or can our thoughts tailor us * for Plato, he said: rational charioteers ** today we say "elephants" * elephants can be hooked up to chariots * every time Dr. Colbert makes a rational decision he gets angry with himself * grocery shopping can be confusing * pure rationality is a disease * Meta Cognition ** thinking about thinking * emotional brain has questions too ** how dare you? ** where do get off? ** who are you looking at? Epilogue * Dr. Colbert remember folks keep your friends close, and your enemies closer: start by hating yourself! * Have a great week end! Gallery File:JuiceIt2-5-2009.jpg Image: File:MarkNarwhalberg.jpg File:StelephantColbert.jpg File:StelephantColbertPostPlasticSurgery.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments